Thoughts on Thursday... The Tuesday edition.

I was toying with the idea of doing a "Snapshot" post... But, I don't know. I don't know if I'm interesting enough to do one of those right now. So instead, clearing out some random thoughts in hopes that I can get back into the blogging groove once Spencer goes back to school. [Two more weeks, people. Two. More. Weeks.] So, in no particular order...

As always, my inbox is out of control and I accidentally deleted my blog reader from my iPad. And with it... all the blogs I normally read. Which on one hand is really refreshing since I had something like 275+ posts to read. But on the other hand... not. I'm taking it as a sign that the world thinks I need a fresh start. So, I'm taking a deep breath and moving on.

*     *     *     *     *

It's been a rough couple of weeks here. Milo has been... challenging. Extremely challenging. Granted, he is a toddler and he has all the challenges that come with that age, but I think a small part of me was hoping {assuming} that we would hit the magical "Six Months Home" mark and the challenges that come with a Toddler Adoption would start to alleviate. They haven't. In fact, some new challenges have popped up that lead me to realize that this is going to be a very, very long journey. And while we're in it for the long haul regardless... I'm ready to be a family already. I want to feel like a family. I'm tired of being on the lookout for land mines and triggers. {I'm tired could sum up a lot of this post.} So we keep trudging forward. (Can I possibly use the word "challenge" any more?!) In between all the meltdowns, we do sometimes have moments of sweetness:

2014_8-15

2014_8-9

*     *     *     *     *

I started "working" again. {I use quotes since I feel like this whole "stay-at-home" gig is a harder job than my career!} I'm hoping to ramp back up to the 25 hours a week I was doing before this adoption process... but we will see. Milo is not really ready for a "social environment" but also not ready for a different solo caregiver. We're going to see how it goes in September with nights and naps and the twice weekly babysitter. Then take it from there. But man, working again feels good. Really good. I'm definitely someone who needs to work in my career to feel fulfilled. There's more to say on this... but that's a post for another time. In short, I'm working. Occasionally getting paid. Win-win.

*     *     *     *     *

And getting paid is especially important since that whole "Bill Me Later" idea was awesome when we had less than 54 hours to get to Korea in February. Now, not so much. Enough said.

*     *     *     *     *

I'm feeling very, very split personality about this return to school. On one hand... summer has been ridiculously tough and I've been counting down the days until the Fall. But now that I actually can count the days until Spencer returns to school... I'm feeling oddly sad about it all. He's grown up so much this summer. He's definitely no longer a "little boy" and he has the gangly limbs and "bigger boy" smell to prove it. As always, summer is winding down and I'm filled with regrets about all we didn't get to do. I blinked and I feel like the formative years are over. Now it seems like we are barreling to the time where he needs and wants me less. I'm not sure that I'm ready. (Which makes me bonkers since his neediness has driven me to the edge at times. Sigh.) Ugh. Maybe a Mama and Spencer day out is in order. For me, more than him probably.

2014_7-20-Steamtown

2014_7-20-Steamtown2

*     *     *     *     *

While I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready for school to start (and completely ready at the same time)... I am ready for Fall. I'm hoping to post a summer wrap up post here soon... and officially say "So Long, Summer."

In the meantime... I'm almost completely up to date on my Project 365. You can check out the daily dose of us here if you need more of these crazy kids.

*     *     *     *     *

Wow. What a boring post, huh?!