Two months

Today marks two months since our home study arrived in Korea. Going into this wait, I had assumed it would be easy-peasy. After all, we've been here, done that. Right?! Wrong.

This wait has not been easy-peasy. At all.

The last time we were waiting, we only had a 5-7 month wait until referral. That's a manageable chunk of time. This go around, it's going to be more like a year. Still a manageable chunk of time (especially when you think about the fact that we will be adding a new child to the mix). But not so manageable when you think about it in terms of your life being somewhat in limbo. We've been in limbo, waiting to see what was next, for years now. First it was the finalization process which was anything but smooth. And it took FOREVER. Then our house was on the market for over a year and a half, which would have resulted in a significant relocation. Then it was off the market and we were back in process again. That's three years of limbo. And it's taking a toll.

I feel silly even talking about this since it's only been TWO MONTHS for crying out loud! I mean, really Christine. TWO MONTHS. It's got to be the three years of limbo prior that's making me feel like this, right?!

But...

I think I would be ok, if we didn't  have the other factor of new laws being put in place this week in Korea. These laws are nothing new. They have been gossiped about and hypothesized on for months, maybe even years now. And now they are in place. What are they?! Huh. I'm not exactly sure. There are rumors a-plenty... but no word has come down from our agency about what these new laws are exactly or how these new laws will impact us, personally, moving forward. Or how it will impact the program. And most importantly, it's very unclear how it's going to impact the babies and the birth mothers. At least to me.

In the time leading up to these new laws, there was a flurry of activity with the Korean agency we are working with. Our US agency saw a lot of referrals and travel calls. The assumption being that there's going to be a significant slow-down in the next month or two (or more?!) as the new laws are introduced. And it's hard to watch a slow-down occur in a program. We saw this last year and it was tough to watch, and we weren't even waiting!

This is a very different program from when we were in process with Spencer. And for the most part, I'm ok with it. But some of these unknowns require more faith than I currently have. Trust me, I'm digging deep to find it.

I think once I know what these laws are, and how they impact us, the program, and the birth mothers and children, I'll be able to breathe easier. Until then, I'm not-so-patiently waiting.

And I'm not afraid to admit it.