Decisions.

I’ll get right to the point. We’re turning down a referral opportunity.  We heard of a little bitty baby last week that had a weird test result during a well-baby check. We got all of the pertinent information, discussed it, sent it to our friend who is a pediatrician, discussed it with him, and made the tough call to say no. (We kind of knew before talking to him this morning, but he made it much clearer that the right answer for us was “no” – I am so very grateful for that.) We’re pretty open to special needs and circumstances… we both feel that life isn’t perfect, and no one should be classified by a medical situation. It was one weird number, and two tests since then that prove the first number was most likely a fluke. But if it’s not, it’s something bad, and it’s not something we can emotionally or financially manage. And, the earliest age you can really trust the test results is 9 months, and that’s still several months off. I can’t sign on for that. I would not sleep until that test was run. And I would be completely emotionally attached at that point.

In my gut, I am 100% sure that this baby is fine and will live a happy and healthy life… it’s my mind that still doubts… We decided early on that we would both have to be “all in” to say yes and, the truth is, neither one of us is. When dealing with a potentially chronic condition, you have to be able to accept it and all of the possibilities without any hesitation. And we can’t.

So we say no. We say “thanks for giving us the opportunity, but this isn’t right for us.”  It feels like we’ve come to a fork in the road. We’ve chosen our path, we’re at peace with our decision, but it still sucks.

I know in my heart there is a perfect set of parents out there for this baby, and we aren’t them. I just hope that the universe works it’s magic and connects them. So, please, positive thoughts for the little bitty who is still looking for their forever family.

As for me, I'll be fine. I've allowed myself some sad time. Sad time for who, I'm not sure... It's odd to write sad... I'm not even sure if that is the true emotion I am feeling. I just feel in my gut that this will all work out for the baby, for us. Maybe I'm sad because I had to make a tough decision, or because I finally realized I'm not superwoman, and there are things I can't handle. Either way, it's back to the waiting game, which I realize I like very much!

My next post I'll be back to the normal happy poster I really am. :-) Thanks for reading, and for all the well wishes. It's greatly appreciated!